Humber Connected: Music Gossip Corner
(Originally broadcast March 15, 2011)
Today's House Blogger was Marcel Baker
A long time ago in a far away land, there was a small village known only as L225. One day some of the village people decided they wanted to put on a show for the other village people. They called the show, “Music Gossip Corner”.
Show day arrives and suddenly, from the heavens above, referred to as the studio speakers by the locals, the gods bless them with cheesy chip tune like music. They credited this magical event to a god they called A1 or Stephinia Sannutus. Everyone attending the show began to dance to the catchy music and spirits were high. Then the music suddenly stops and preparation for the show continued.
Behind the stage is a lowly janitor known as Mathous. He is cleaning off the key boards used for the show, but no one appreciates his wiping skills. Then A2 walks in and requested his wiping skills on a magical device he called a “Monitor”. For those of you that don’t know, A2 is a high priest that claims to talk directly to the god A1 and do her earthly biddings; the village people also call him “Andrew”.
3 min until crew meeting! The Producer, Kylopakious, and Director Marcus, are getting the final things ready for the show.
On the stage, behind the curtain everyone is happy and singing some sort of music from another land, they called it “Michael Jackson”.
Crew meeting time arrives and everyone goes to the stage. A stressed out producer and director walk in and deliver inspirational words to lift the spirits of the crew even higher and explain the upcoming show. A huddle is called and one of the stars of the show, Mr. Randidious himself, tells everyone “It’s time to come” referring to everyone coming into the huddle. A random guy known only as the Ray Man, says “Come with me if you want to live.” Director then says “No Mercy!” and everyone begins chanting some evil mysterious chant that only consisted of repeating the letters B-R-T-V.
Everyone then left the stage, except those that were supposed to be there, and preparation for the show continued. The crew on the stage then proceeded to sing more foreign music. This song they referred to as “Fresh Prince Theme”.
Rehearsal in 3 min! Everybody is tense. As the Blogger enters the stage control area the TD, known as “Gates”, gives him an evil look.
Rehearsal in 20 seconds! The countdown ends and the director forget his cues. As the show proceeds the orchestra plays and stops playing at some wrong times. The stars of the show look utterly confused. Cue awkward silence. On comes the commercial segment and the actors randomly loose their voice and speak in a weird language. The villagers arrest them and accuse them of witchcraft and devil possession and burn them at the stake. Then there was more awkward silence from the stars of the show. Then one actor called “Justin Bieber” gets assassinated, more glitches and errors in the show fallow. Then a real witch named “Justin Timberlake” is spotted as he fly’s through the village. Then more glitches and Randidiuos can’t read his cue cards. Then more awkward silence, confused stars and glitches. Rehearsal is over and the show was a disaster and 5 min too short. Can the show be saved before they go live in front of the whole village?
The evil one known as “TD” or “Gates” steals the bloggers pen and pen cap whistle! But blogger has backup and whips out another pen complete with pen cap whistle. But then suddenly TD steals that one too, blogger has sad face. But wait, Blogger has yet another backup and whips out a pencil. But then TD steals that too. This fight isn’t over yet though, Blogger reaches in pocket and pulls out yet another pen! Marcellous 1 Gates 0 or like 5. TD try’s to fake our blogger by spinning around then dizzily try’s to steal bloggers final pen. Blogger is hungry. Then evil stare between blogger and TD. TD mean, blogger leaving.
Meanwhile back on the stage, Randidious wants a happy meal. Everyone is notified that the show will start in 6 minutes! Blogger walks up to Randidious and Randidious steals bloggers pen! Blogger is sad. Then one of the people operating magical devices they called “Cameras”, Known as Joephinious, says he like Christmas balls in his pants. Then the on stage crew plays keep away with a Christmas ball. The second star of the show, Keashaous, is saved from balls in the face by the heroic Randidious.
Randidious is now furious for his glasses retrieval. Singing Commences! 2 min until show starts! A man only known as “CJ”, who works the master shader position of this show, saves the day by retrieving Randidiuos’s glasses.
1 minute until show starts! Everyone is tense. Producer says “Ok guys lets do this!” Colourful people with one screaming orchestra member enter the stage. They referred to this as “Bars and Tone”. Then the black curtain is dropped. Then a person with a poster with a couple credits enters the stage. The black curtain is dropped again. The show starts! Everything goes almost flawlessly with only a couple minor glitches. Finally at the end of the show, Randidiuos dances while people walk by with credits on posters. Suddenly Keashaous turns on Randidious and try’s to strangle him. The hosts argue and the fight rages on. Then the black curtain is dropped. Almost Flawless Victory!
The crew then meets on the stage behind the curtain and the success of the show is discussed. Then suddenly in walks some random girl sipping this mysterious liquid from a colourful box marked “Allens Peach Juice” that looked like it could actually be some code word for Aliens due to the futuristic and otherworldly nature of this device. This girl was singing some mysterious tune that went something like “do do dun dun da do do” and sounded like the theme of the show that was just finished. This person claimed to be Stephinia Sannutus herself. This couldn’t possibly be true though, so she was burned at the stake for trying to impersonate the A1 god. The producer then delivers some inspirational words and spirits are high because everyone feels good about the show and loved the ending.
The stage was then taken down and the group of villagers that put on the show felt good about the success of the show and the joy it brought the other village people. They all moved on with their lives. Perhaps one day they will get together again and create another show for the villagers, but for now they just want to live happily ever after.
This is the end, beautiful friend. This is the end, my only friend, the end.